Mar 25, 2016

Reflections on Babies, Anniversaries, and Easter

In three days I will be 40 weeks pregnant with my 6th baby, and 7th son.  Today was Justin and I's 10 year anniversary, and Easter is in two days.  As you can imagine, I've had a few thoughts rolling through my brain.

First off, I can't believe that I've already done this having a baby thing 5 other times!  I've done this before!?  I don't remember EVER feeling SO done, so consistently uncomfortable, and exhausted--especially BEFORE my due date!  This is crazy.  I also can't believe that this might not be the last time!  What!?  May the amnesia of these experiences set in quickly.  With baby one, and possibly baby two and three, I don't think I ever felt done.  I KNOW I didn't with baby one.  I had no idea what people were talking about.  He came 10 days early and weighed 6 lbs 4 oz.  There's definitely a difference in how you feel with how large the baby is!  Here's the run down of my babies thus far:

Joshua--10 days early, 6 lbs 4 oz
16 months later
Austin--4 days early, 8 lbs 6 oz
19 months later
Avin--about 4 days early, 7 lbs 8 oz
25 months later (long right!?)
Jonathan--2-3 days late, 9 lbs 10 oz
20 months later
August--2 days late, 9 lbs
and now--about 2.5 years later
Justin Joseph--????

Today I was feeling kind of depressed and down on myself.....ya know, feeling like this child is never going to be born and I'm going to be super uncomfortable 24/7 for the rest of my life.  I've also had an affirmation going through my mind a lot the past couple days to try to curb the negativity, "I can do hard things."  I was mostly thinking it in preparation for labor, but today I realized that my hard thing right now, is NOT going into labor.  The hard thing now, is trusting in the Lord's timing and being patient.  I pulled out a new little book I bought and played through the song "Gethsemane" that I was going to talk about and sing with the kids later in the morning.  I pretty much cried instantly.  These words are so beautiful and reminded me that Christ went through so much more than what I'm going through.

Jesus climbed the hill
to the garden still.
His steps were heavy and slow.
Love and a prayer
took Him there
to the place only He could go.
Jesus loves me.
So He went willingly
to Gethsemane.
He felt all that was sad,
wicked or bad,
all the pain we would ever know.
While His friends were asleep
He fought to keep
His promise made long ago.
Jesus loves me.
So He went willingly
to Gethsemane.
The hardest thing that ever was done,
the greatest pain that ever was known,
the biggest battle that ever was won,
this was done by Jesus!
The fight was won by Jesus.
Jesus loves me.
So gave his gift to me
in Gethsemane
Jesus loves me.
So He gives His gift to me
from Gethsemane.
“Gethsemane” written by Roger and Melanie Hoffman
Like I mentioned, today was also Justin and I's 10 year anniversary.  That's pretty major!  I have been so occupied with baby, discomfort, and feeling run down, that I literally did nothing for him.  I feel pretty sad and guilty about that.  I am so, so grateful for my husband and the man he is.....not "the diamond deep in the rough of (his) soul," but the man he IS already.  He is my best friend and means everything to me.  He is such a good dad, and is so patient with my crazy end of pregnancy melt downs.  I would marry him again, every day for the rest of my life.  We've created such a beautiful life and family together and I would never wish for anything different or imagine anything better.  And pretty soon, we'll have a new little addition for us, and all of the children to fall in love with all over again.
It seems appropriate at Easter, a time of reflection for all of the blessings that I have in my life because of my Savior, that this new sweet spirit is going to enter our family, and that we're reflecting on the beginning of our marriage and all of the growth, and blessings, and memories that we've had in those 10 years.  
Because Christ suffered, died, and rose again, I can do hard things with great love.  Because He suffered, died, and rose again, I can be with this beautiful family forever, and I can be perfectly supported in all of my trials in that process.  Because Christ suffered for me with great love, I can wait on this child that He's sending, and endure this suffering well, until I can scoop this baby up, overcome with love and joy and the family unity that a new baby always brings.  

1 comment:

Amber said...

Turns out August was only 2 days late. Oops.